Robin never wears the clothes I buy her.  And I don’t buy her “girly” clothes or anything like that.  I always try to buy athletic type clothes, unisex clothes, neutral clothes.  Even when I take her shopping with me and she picks out her own clothes, Robin won’t wear the clothes.  She won’t wear v-neck, if the crew neck shows too much neck, she won’t wear that.  Robin used to like skinny jeans, but not anymore.  Nothing can be “too tight”. So, that left her with a very  limited wardrobe and me giving away clothes that had never been worn.

Robin’s dad knows my frustration.  He decided that he would take her shopping, which was a relief to me.  Robin calls me as soon as they get back to the car.  She was so excited about all the clothes her dad bought.  She was happy, so I was ecstatic.  When Robin came home, she couldn’t wait for us to go out so that she could wear her new clothes.  I agreed to take her to the movies.  When she brought her outfit to my room for me to see, I thought the jeans looked a little big for her.  So as I asked what size they were.  Robin said she didn’t know.  So, I checked.  They were a boys/man’s 30 x 30.  You’d think that I would expect that based on all that I’ve shared so far.  But I didn’t and I asked her why she got “boy’s” clothes.  Robin replied that that was the only section they shopped in.  I asked why and I must have looked like my whole world was falling apart because my daughter started apologizing over and over, saying “I’m sorry Mommy”.  I felt like shit.

I was so angry.  I was angry because of how I felt.  I was angry with her.  I was angry with her dad.  I was just pissed.  In my head, I was asking why could she just be who she is and accept it.  Period.  Robin never told me she “felt” like she was a boy or said that she was a boy when she was little.  If she had I would have been more prepared.  I could have started coming to terms with this years ago.  But it feels like all of a sudden, my little girl who was always my little girl, wants to be anything but who she has been her whole life.  So what if she wants to play football and always wanted the “boy” toy from McDonald’s!  So did I. Who wants to play with a stupid doll when there is a racetrack with cars speeding around everywhere?  Who said liking jeans and not liking skirts or dresses made you a tomboy?  Who said not being girly meant you can’t be a girl?  What the hell is wrong with being a girl and liking whatever you want to like??

I’ve been reading about transgender kids and gender neutral, gender fluid, gender expansive.  And I still don’t understand.  Why can’t these kids just be who they are, like what they like, and not be labeled one thing or another?  Now, I’m not talking about children who start asserting that the ARE the opposite gender early in life.  In fact, I’ve read that there may be some genetic coding that contributes to a person being transgender (Human Sex Chromosomes are Sloppy DNA Swappers). So, I’m not arguing the point that there are transgender people.  What I’m saying is, I don’t understand why my child feels the need to ask me if she is “trans”.  I’m saying that society is placing undo pressure on children. We no longer watch what we say around them.  We no longer censor television or radio.  Children are exposed to so much that I feel they are not mature enough to understand and process.  Why does my child feel like she has to label herself as anything other than a child.

I got over the jeans thing. Clothes are just clothes.  It’s about what a person feels comfortable wearing.  Society sets the labels and we all follow suit.  Even the kids.

Author: MotherofQ

I am the mother of a child who is questioning her identity, her orientation, her sense of self, and what it means to just "be".

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